Find Me
by Vaughn's Jenn
Summary: *Chapter 8* Sydney left. Now it's up to Vaughn to find her and convince her that there is a place for her... and that that place is with him.
1. Gone

Find Me  
  
Author's Note:  
  
This story moves at a different pace than my other stories have. In other words: faster pace, shorter chapters.  
  
I hope you still like it and, as always, review!  
  
~Jenn  
  
1.  
  
Sydney looked at the phone in her hand and then at the ocean enveloping the miles ahead of her. Looking back at the phone she took a deep breath. *It's going to be okay. It's going to be fine.* And then she dialed the number that she knew by heart.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Sydney, is that you?"  
  
She paused. "Yes. Vaughn, I'm fine."  
  
"Sydney where ARE you?"  
  
"I told you I'm fine. That's all you need to know."  
  
She heard his tense breathing over the phone. "You know that's not true. You know it."  
  
"Please just trust me."  
  
"How can I trust you when you disappeared without a word? You just left. Listen, just give me a name. A place. I'll come find you."  
  
"I need to be by myself right now."  
  
More heavy breathing.  
  
"Sydney, we both know that that's the last thing you need right now. You need somebody." He wanted to say "You need me" but he couldn't. Wuss.  
  
"No."  
  
"I can hear the ocean behind you. I'll find you."  
  
"I'll leave." A tear formed in her eye. She shook her head, wishing she had never called in the first place.  
  
"Vaughn, I never should have called in the first place."  
  
200 miles away, Michael C. Vaughn shook his head and paced his floor. "Of course you should have. You know you can always count on me. Sydney, where are you?"  
  
"Gone."  
  
He tightened his grip on the phone. "What do you mean? Sydney? I don't like the sound of that."  
  
Wordlessly she lowered her phone, dropping it into the ocean below. She was starting over. Nothing could tie her down anymore anyway.  
  
TBC.  
  
I know that this was different (pacing, story-wise, plot-wise, and style- wise) but is it good different of bad different? I think I like writing shorter chapters. it feels more alive that way.  
  
Alrighty, REVIEW~  
  
-Jenn 


	2. Come to Me

2.

She sat in the dark room, watching her keys dangle back and forth, hanging from her finger. Her face was slack and she hadn't washed her hair in days. It felt like years. Her face was dry and had a weird texture from the gallons of dried tears on her face.

She looked at the phone on the dresser but forced her gaze away. In a sudden burst of anger, she tore the phone line out of the wall. *No. No, I'm not going to call him. I don't need him. I don't need to hear his voice.*

And then the tears fell again. Her whole body shook, hollow from sadness and needing Vaughn with every inch of her body. "Vaughn. . . " She wrapped her arms around her knees and rocked slowly back and forth. She couldn't handle it anymore.

She quickly pulled her hair back in a ponytail and looked in the mirror. *Why did I do that? Why do I have to constantly remind myself of how crappy I look?* She grabbed her bag and walked out the door. 

She pushed the button and waited, tapping her foot. She felt like some addict or junkie. She couldn't quit. Her willpower was gone. 

~:~

"Can I use your phone please?"

The concierge lifted his eyebrows at the woman standing in front of him. She had deteriorated in the last two months, never going out or doing anything. "Is there something wrong with your room phone?"

"Umm. . . yes."

Puzzled, he gave her the phone.

She hesitated and then gave in.

~:~

"Vaughn."

Her breath caught at the sound of his voice. "Vaughn? It's me."

"SYDNEY?? Where are you?"

"I'm sorry I didn't call before. I wanted to."

She heard his pause, scared of his silence. "You can't just leave whenever something bad happens you know."

Sydney sighed and wiped her eyes. "I know."

"What did you do with your phone? I've been calling and calling you."

"I dropped it in the ocean after I called you."

"What ocean? Please Sydney, you have to come back. We can't do this without you."

She hung her head, chiding herself. How could she think that Vaughn would miss her for herself? He didn't miss her. He just wanted her abilities. Her function and job as a double agent. "Even if I came back now, everything would be different. I've been gone for two months. I'm pretty sure that Sloane noticed. I don't want to come back. Ever."

"Sydney, are you aware that what you are doing is dangerous? You could be killed."

"I'm on a hotel phone. You might want to watch what you say."

"Are you out of your mind? You're calling me from a hotel phone? This might not be a secure line-"

"VAUGHN! Shut up. I never want to go back again. And I never planned on making contact with you again. But I need you."

Vaugh  stopped breathing. Sydney, wonder woman, needed him. 

"I tried to keep myself from calling you these past two months. You're the only tie that I couldn't stay away from."

"Sydney, why did you run away?"

"I can't tell you now. But I have to see you. Please."

Despite his mental protestations, Vaughn nodded. "All right."

"Thank you. I'll tell you everything."

"Wait. . . where am I meeting you?"

"I'll call you later."

"Okay."

She hung up and gave the phone back. She felt like a burden had been lifted off her shoulders. Vaughn was coming. He was coming to save her.

TBC…

I have to say that it is so much easier to write shorter chapters…obviously.

Thanks for all your wonderful feedback… keep it up!!! Lol… I really do appreciate it.

And also; for putting up with these insanely short chapters, I have to tell you that the next chapter of An Undefinable Sweetness is ready and it's double the length it usually is so be patient and review~

-Jenn


	3. Needing You

3.

The motel room was dirty. That was his first impression. It stank and it was dirty and the paint on the walls was literally peeling. He sighed and put his suitcase on the ground next to the bed and then lay down on the bed, hands over his eyes. What the hell was he doing here?

Why was he running to Sydney Bristow the moment she called? Why had he jumped onto the first available flight? Why was he suddenly 600 miles away from his house?

Because Sydney Bristow said that she needed him. 

And that's all he needed to know. He got up and checked the map for the address. He smiled. It was a pier.

~:~

"So, you're a jogger too."

"Yeah."

"Hi, I'm Michael."

"I'm Sydney. Nice to meet you."

"Same here."

They sat on the bench together, taking "breathers" from their jogging experiences.

One hour later she was in his arms.

"Sydney, I'm so glad to see you but are you sure you're all right?" Vaughn had to admit that he was shocked when he first saw her. She had lost 15 pounds at least. She didn't look healthy.

But she nodded anyway, closing her eyes, trying to keep this feeling inside of her and remember it always. She wanted to know how it felt to lie in Vaughn's arms forever. She wanted to close her eyes and remember his arms around hers.

"Sydney, why did you leave?" His voice permeated her senses, startling her temporarily before she realized that he was still sitting there, that she could reach out and touch him.

"You know why I left."

"I know why you felt you had an excuse to leave."

She looked at him suddenly, eyes reddening. "What are you saying? You actually think that my father being killed isn't reason enough for me to leave? They found out that he was a mole. What was to stop them from finding out that I was too?"

He looked away briefly, looking out into the ocean before turning back towards her. "Of course that was reason enough. But I think that you were tired. Of everything. Of the life you were living. And you wanted out. Jack being killed terminated the last tie keeping you here."

She wanted to stand up, to lash out at him and screaming at him for trivializing her father's death. But deep in her heart, she knew it was true. So she didn't say anything. And just looked down.

Vaughn sighed. "Sydney, if you're not ready to tell me or even to admit it to yourself, I don't think you should call me anymore."

She raised her head. "What? Vaughn. . .sometimes I need you. I need to hear your voice. I need you to listen or reassure."

He shook his head. "Then you're not ready to be out here alone. You can't just abandon everyone who cares about you and then expect them to come back to you at your beck and call."

She stood up, "Okay. Leave. I won't call you back."

He sighed. "Sydney, I didn't mean it like that. It's just that I want you to come back."

"They know now. They know now that I'm a mole too. What's left for me back there?"

"Me. And Will and Francie. Your job. SD-6. You don't have to be a double agent anymore. You can still work. Or you can go to a safe house. Whatever you want. But come back."

Sydney looked at him. "That's the one thing I can't do."

TBC… 

Thanks for all your awesome reviews you guys! My ego is like expanding big time… don't worry, I'm kidding…kinda…

Keep it up… I have up to 8 written so if you want it, let me know! ;)

-Jenn


	4. Gray

4.

Was that what she thought it was? She couldn't risk looking back again so she swerved into the cafe standing on her right and sat at a small table. People watching. 

Ordering a lemonade, she slipped into the chair opposite her with her back facing the crowd before taking out her compact. She popped open the lid and lifted it to her eyes, scouting imaginary wrinkles while looking at the people walking behind her.

Woman in red pantsuit. Man with toupee. Girl with mother and Barbie in hand. 

No no no. 

These were all too obvious, stood out far too much in a crowd. She was looking for someone… inconspicuous.   
  
Someone who could disappear when standing next to a wall.

She sighed and put her compact away. Paranoia was not her friend. But no one could blame her. She couldn't even go to her father's funeral. She had to mourn her father through word of mouth. Vaughn had told her about it.

 She could count the number of people who came on the fingers of her hands. Seven of them to be exact. She could have been eight. She could have. But she wasn't.

The waiter gave her her lemonade and she sipped it slowly. Closed her eyes.

Think about the sky. Think about the sound of the people talking and laughing behind you. Anything but Dad. Anything.

Well, anything except Vaughn. Or Will. Or Francie.

She tucked her hair behind her ear and opened her eyes again. It was, after all, a beautiful day. 

She was turning around to get her bag when she saw it. Her. When she saw her. She was average height with average looks. She didn't stand out; wasn't astonishingly gorgeous or revoltingly ugly. She was perfectly normal, dressed in shades of gray. She was slightly gray herself.

And she was looking for her. 

~:~

Sydney came out of the salon a new person. Her hair a chic blond bob, makeup once again applied to her face, she felt like the Sydney of the old. With the Sydney of the new's problems. 

But that didn't matter now. For the moment at least, she was free. And that knowledge filled her with a happiness that she almost didn't remember. She wanted to tell someone but she couldn't so she wrote it on a piece of a napkin and watched it float in the air.

I am free. 

TBC…

I know… **really really short** but this was all prewritten and I just wanted to go with the "flow" and this is what came out so next chapter soon. I promise.

Review~!

-Jenn


	5. Letter to No One

5.

Vaughn had almost reached the point where he didn't think about Sydney Bristow every moment of the day.

Almost.

She still inhabited his thoughts, still had an influence on everything he did or said. Sometimes he would write e-mails or letters to her that were pages and pages long just to tell her what was going on before selecting them all and deleting them, letting them disappear off the face of the planet.

Like she did.

Exactly like she did.

Frustrated, he took out his laptop.

"I can't believe you left. You're just gone and even though you think that everything has died down and people have forgotten, you are wrong.

Everybody misses you or is mad at you or thinks that you are dead or wishes you were.

I just want you to come back. Yes your father died. But you are still an asset to this country and to your government and to your friends and to your mother and to me.

Okay. I've finally written it. I need you in my life. Not that you will ever know because this letter, like all the other ones, will disappear. Your beautiful eyes will never skim its words, your graceful hands will never touch its folds, you will never know the deepest aches of my heart.

But I had to write it anyway. For healing. 

I guess that it's true that you never know what you have until it's gone. You're gone. And I have absolutely no idea how I was able to survive without you in my life. 

Ignorance is bliss.

So now, even though you don't know it, I do. I, Michael Vaughn, am in love with you, Sydney Bristow, a former double agent for the CIA-"

He paused and then deleted what he just wrote. The fact that she used to CIA was irrelevant to the heart and emotion of his letter.

"I, Michael Vaughn, am in love with you, Sydney Bristow, a woman who lived life to the fullest, the woman of a hundred different colors and personalities, the woman who knows everything and has everything anyone could want.

I love you. "

He sighed. Even though she would never see this letter, he was glad that he had written it. He felt better already. And maybe, he would print it out and read it right before he went to bed. And then maybe he would dream of her. And maybe, in the dream, there would be no protocol keeping them apart. Maybe their families would be whole, their hearts would be whole, their lives would be whole, and they would be able to love each other.

Maybe.


	6. Jog

To people who also read AN UNDEFINABLE SWEETNESS: REVIEW PLEEEAAASSEEEE if you want the next chapter by next week… I know that it seems like I'm just spoiled and want reviews but the bar has been raised and I'm just not satisfied with going from 37 to 17… sadness…

6.

Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Why the hell did she think that she would be safe, let alone free, with dyed hair and a manicure?

She would have been safer how she looked before. 

This woman would have been able to know what she looked like no matter what color hair or eyes she possessed. It wasn't as if Arvin Sloane had forgotten any color of the rainbow and beyond when he had thought up her costumes.

Then again, why was she running? She was far from defenseless and even though she had basically done nothing for the past five months, thought that she could take her follower on.

She pushed open the drapes and looked out onto the street below. 

One. Two. Three. 

There she was. Walking across the street and out of sight.

Fifty. Fifty-one. Fifty-two. 

There she was again.

Any doubt Sydney still had was gone.   

~:~

Vaughn grabbed his cup of coffee from the counter and nearly ran out the door, knocking over his coat hanger on his way out.

Remembering the letter in his pocket, he looked at it with a slight hint of hesitation and regret and longing before dropping it into the trash bin standing outside of his apartment and running to his car.

~:~

"Agent Vaughn?" 

He turned at the sound of the young voice. It was Kimberly, the new assistant. _His _ new assistant. A petite brunette, she was quiet and pretty. But too sweet. She didn't have the edge that he always seemed to be looking for. The edge that had gone missing from his life after-

_Sydney._

"Yes Kimberly?"

"Agent Kendall wanted to speak to you."

"Oh. All right." Distractedly, he shuffled around some papers on his desk and then left his office.

~:~

Kendall's face was like stone as Vaughn entered his office. 

"I'm sure that you have some idea of why I called you in here, Agent Vaughn."

He thought about it but nothing really came to mind.

"Umm. . . I'm not sure that I know what you are talking about sir."

Kendall furrowed his brow and picked a piece of paper from his desk. 

"Are you telling me that this piece of paper in my hand does nothing to jog your memory?"  
  
TBC…  
  
review for this one and for aus too~

(please)

-jenn


	7. Lola

Find Me 

**7. **

New Jersey. Delaware. Texas. Alabama. Oklahoma. Manhattan. Boston.

Mary Aldridge. Elizabeth Bey. Patricia Macully. Jane-Marie Smith. Alicia Hanes. Tanya Baeur.

Sydney sighed. She was here now. Here in this dirty, dank motel room with nothing but a duffel bag and a couple thousand left at the bank. 

Starting a new life was harder than she had expected. But she had faced bigger hardships before and life had always gone on. And this was no exception. It was merely another road toward a new destination.

She just wished she had a friend.

Putting her duffel bag on the bed, she sighed and took out her laptop. 

To: mcvaughn@hotmail.com

From: runlola@yahoo.com

Message: Hey

"Hey Vaughn,

What is this? The fourth or fifth or sixtieth e-mail that I am writing to you that you won't read? 

Don't worry. I'm not sending it. Since when did I become that stupid? Not that you would worry because you don't know.

Just wanted to let you know that I'm fine. I got a job as a salesperson at the GAP. Supposedly I have a winning smile and the kids like me. 

So yay for me. I have to say that yes, this is a very different sort of life. But this is me and this is me living it.

I've been wondering how you were but haven't worked up the nerve yet. Probably never will.

I know what you're thinking. I know that I'm not supposed to be afraid of anything. Or that I never act like I am anyway. But I am.

I'm really scared. For the first time in my life, I'm alone with absolutely no direction. I just came to Boston a week ago so I haven't made any friends yet. But I'm sure I will so don't worry about that.

I hope you're doing fine. 

So, I guess this is it.

Oh, by the way, this is Sydney. You know. Your former asset. I made this e-mail address a couple days ago. I was bored on the plane and I realized that I am Lola.

So here's to Lola. And to Michael. 

-Syd."

Just like she always did, she hesitated before placing the mouse on the cancel button. Even though she knew she would eventually push it, she always seemed to have an inner battle when it came to this part.

It felt like she was erasing Michael. 

But it had to be done. Knowing him, he would try to find her. And she couldn't let that happen. She'd been alone for half a year now. She could go on.

She closed her eyes and clicked the button. And sneezed. 

Realizing what could have happened, she opened her eyes suddenly, breath catching in her throat.

"Message Sent.

Save Name And Address in Address Book?"

TBC...

Hmmm…Becky is right, there really is no plot to this story… I wrote all 8 chapters while I was in Vegas and now I'm thinking that I left the storyline there too.

**So…if you want to give me suggestions, hints, or even if you just to tell me that I should stop because this story sucks (but please be nice about it)…go ahead.**

**-Jenn**


	8. One new Message

**Find Me**

**~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:**

"What exactly would that be?" Michael attempted to control the shakiness in his voice as he asked the question, knowing that logically, that couldn't be the letter that he had written the night before, the letter that he had slept over. But he did wish that he had disposed of it in a safer way.

Kendall waved the paper once more in front of his face before bringing it to his own and reading the contents aloud. As his voice droned on, Michael felt both relieved and anxious. 

When he was done, he waved the sheet in front of Michae's face.

"What kind of performance do you call this? I have _never seen such sloppy work from you during your entire employment here; I realize that Suzanne Warner isn't as adept as Sydney Bristow was but these errors could have been easily avoided and they weren't and what I want to know is '_why_'?" He leaned forward on the desk, hands pointing towards him as he stared._

No answer.

"Is Agent Bristow's absence going to permanently affect your capabilities as a competent handler Agent Vaughn?"

He had nothing to say; the truth would get him fired. He hadn't known at the time that he was being careless and he had always convinced himself that he would have been just as careful as anyone's life as he had with Sydney's. But here was proof that showed the world, or at least the entire bureau, that he was wrong. He wouldn't risk his life for Warner. He hadn't even been willing to take an extra hour to make sure there were no flaws. And there had been. 

"Not anymore."

"Good."

He walked out of the room a little shaky; he had never believed that the loss of Sydney would affect the quality of his work; his capability _to_ work. She had indeed changed his life and then left him in the dust. 

Leaning back in his chair, he closed his eyes, remembering the last time he had seen her, hoping that she had at least gained a little weight since then. Hoped that she had been able to cope with the loss of her father better than he had been able to cope with the loss of her. 

In his heart, he understood why she had to leave. She had been in danger and she was never one to be content allowing someone else to look after her. Especially when it had cost her her father. 

He opened up his laptop and brought up Suzanne Warner's file. He hadn't even looked to see what had seriously gone wrong because in the end she had managed to get the necessary Intel. His mouth dropped when he read about the two wounded and one dead because of faulty information… the information that he had given. The information that they had trusted.

Bringing up the counter mission he had detailed, he perused the third paragraph and there it was. The crucial mistake. The third passageway hadn't been unguarded. It had been closed. Three months ago.

How could he have missed that when an informant had told him that it was so… Kendall was correct in upbraiding him. And in a way, he still couldn't help blaming Sydney. If she hadn't left… he still would have been more careful. 

Then again, if she hadn't left, she might be dead.

There was no rationalizing the situation. 

Sighing, he opened up his mailbox.

**You have one new message.**

**Run Lola                     _Since I'm not sending this anyway…           3K_**

****

****

**TBC…**

_Hey guys, thanks for the reassurance… maybe I will be able to develop a plot__J__  I realize that the one here isn't extremely wonderful but stick with it if you want to; if you want me to trash it, I'll do that too because this is definitely not one of the fics that particularly "lights my fire". _

_Becky- didn't mean to offend, I agree with your review and that was why I was attempting to rectify the situation but it's still on the way… not quite there yet._

_Let me know what you guys think, you know your opinions mean the world. _

_~Jenn_


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